Hillary Clinton Last Minute Campaign Strategies*
- At the convention, she’ll take the podium, yell “Look over there!” and grab the nomination when people are looking the other way
- Slam Obama for his stance while taking a free throw
- Poke every superdelegate in the arm until they all agree to vote for her
- She’ll flat out deny that Obama exists, claim she’s the nominee
- Since she can’t get Michigan and Florida delegates counted, she’ll demand that New York gets to count three times
- Find Osama Bin Laden
- Promise to drop her bid if people will vote for her
- Uncontrollable weeping
*Note to Hillary campaign strategists: If you use any of these, please credit me in the inevitable conciliation speech, thanks.
May 7, 2008